I can not believe the absolute SCAM I found out about. My father in law passed away. As most of you know it is the 4th death we have had to deal with in this past 12 months. We knew he was going to pass but felt relief in the fact he had life insurance and we would not be stuck with a giant bill like we were when Cathy died.
I do not know why I was shocked when I got the statement. His insurance paid face value of the policy of $2500. I thought it was going to be a bigger policy because grandpa has been paying $40 a month since 1991. Yes I did the math too and realized he paid $40 for 220 months = $8800!!!! I was livid. I thought to myself there is no way this was legal but incredibly it was. The agent told me and the Kansas Insurance Commission office confirmed it. They explained to me that if grandpa would have died the day after he got the policy they would have had to pay the $2500 but because he lived longer, he helped pay for the losses the insurance company had to pay for people who died sooner. I think that is so wrong, I know everyone needs to make a living but that's insane. I think that once the $2500 was paid, he shouldn't have to keep paying. Let the insurance company invest the money or keep interest but to make $6000 plus in profit off an old man is criminal in my opinion.
If grandpa would have put that same $40 a month is a savings account, the whole funeral would be paid for and then some. I know people never know when they will pass but to make this big a profit off the backs of elderly people is appalling. The agents scare people into buying these policies and its just wrong.
Now I'm sitting here with a bill for $841.88. I know this is not an astronomical amount to most people but top it off with the $871.55 we have left from Cathy's funeral, the fact that JR just lost his job and we are financially strapped as it is, this may as well be a million dollars. It will not take long before we lose everything. It will be hard to write on this blog when we are living under the 6th street bridge. Thanks Obama, your doing a bang up job there. Maybe you should look into life insurance companies too, not just health-care. Something has to happen so you don't cripple your family with debt when you die.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
How do you survive on Minimum Wage?
I keep crunching the numbers and trying to see what I can cut back on and still come up short. JR is getting more and more obnoxious about his job and I must say its grating on my last nerve. He keeps complaining he is working 14 hr days but because people are late loading or unloading, he only gets paid for miles driven, hence a 14 hr day turns into 6hrs of pay. I look at this and realize he is getting paid less than minimum wage on those days (which are coming more often than not anymore) and ask why he cant just come home now? He made me get a Sunday paper and look at the want ads, he doesn't trust the free online classifieds so I spent the $2.00 on the not even worth it paper. Of the one and a half pages of jobs posted he was qualified for 3. All were minimum wage and at 46 he thinks he deserves more. I cant say as I blame him but at this point, he is making less than that now and not even home, sleeping in his truck, and eating poorly. He is miserable and trying to make the rest of us feel bad for him being stuck out there while we get to sleep in beds in a house. He is afraid we wont make the regular bills like mortgage, utilities and food much less medical bills and the funerals we are still paying for if he comes home and takes one of those jobs.
Fear is crippling, the unknown is scarier than the known and he is over the top with it. I told him just come home and we will make it work somehow. He brings up the fact that we still have plumbing issues, electrical issues, and my car (our only one) is on its last legs and no possible way to replace it if something goes horribly wrong. I pray a lot that it lasts till things get better but i resent the fact he is leaning completely on me to find a solution to this BEFORE he will come home. I watch Oprah and see when she has Suze Orman on and think, yea that looks easy IF you have the money. It pisses me off to no end to see her helping these people who have mortgages that are thousands a month, credit card debt and cars I could only dream of having. Why cant they do a show on people barely making it on 30k a year, not struggling on 130k.
People all over are strapped right now so I'm not getting any takers for cakes and cookies yet but I'm not giving up. I will make a list tonight of how much we have in the needs to be paid column and sell blood if I have to just to get them out of the way. My stress level is through the roof and I'm not sure how I'm going to do this but I can't give up, failure is not an option but I will take any suggestions at this point.
Fear is crippling, the unknown is scarier than the known and he is over the top with it. I told him just come home and we will make it work somehow. He brings up the fact that we still have plumbing issues, electrical issues, and my car (our only one) is on its last legs and no possible way to replace it if something goes horribly wrong. I pray a lot that it lasts till things get better but i resent the fact he is leaning completely on me to find a solution to this BEFORE he will come home. I watch Oprah and see when she has Suze Orman on and think, yea that looks easy IF you have the money. It pisses me off to no end to see her helping these people who have mortgages that are thousands a month, credit card debt and cars I could only dream of having. Why cant they do a show on people barely making it on 30k a year, not struggling on 130k.
People all over are strapped right now so I'm not getting any takers for cakes and cookies yet but I'm not giving up. I will make a list tonight of how much we have in the needs to be paid column and sell blood if I have to just to get them out of the way. My stress level is through the roof and I'm not sure how I'm going to do this but I can't give up, failure is not an option but I will take any suggestions at this point.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Sweet Dreams
OK I have come to the conclusion that I will have to raise most of this money on my own. I was taking inventory of what I'm good at and what is legally marketable. When I get stressed I bake and I'm pretty good at it too. I have decided to make cakes to get us out of this hole we are in. I went to Walmart an saw they sell cakes for insane high prices in comparison to what I can make them for. I'm staying at home so I know mom's who don't have time to make cup cakes and things for school functions and birthdays. Why not make them and sell them. I know when my kids were in school people looked down on the moms who brought the "obviously store bought" things. My mom made things for me to take so now I can bake for those who don't have time and don't want to make it look like they had no time. We all want that "Supermom" appearance so I can give it to them and save my family at the same time.
I'm going to be experimenting tomorrow with twists on the old favorites and calling them Dream Cakes. They will make our dreams come true...the dream of getting all the funeral bills paid and pay what I need to so we can get the loans for the restaurant and truck stop. This economy is harsh but I refuse to crawl under a rock and die. Ed McMahon is dead so he wont be showing up on my doorstep with a check for an ungodly amount of money so I need to work at getting it myself and there is no time to lose doing it. I know I shouldn't complain, we don't have as much debt as some people, but we want to be debt free. Our grandparents didn't live on credit and they were happier people in my opinion. Grandma saved pennies for a "rainy day" and grandpa worked hard to get her and my mom what ever they needed. My grandpa used to say a man can walk with his head held high when he doesn't owe another money. I know debt causes stress and that's what I'm looking to eliminate completely.
I put pen to paper and figured I need to make $4000 to pay off both funerals, doctor bills and get a headstone for Mystic's mothers grave. I know that it is a lot of money but I think this is easier to take on than everything I need to start the restaurant/truck stop. The best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time and that's how I need to tackle this too, one sweet bite at a time.
Mystic and Sandra will be helping me in the kitchen. Sandra and I have not always gotten along. I am like any other mother in law and believe no woman will ever be good enough for her little boy, but no matter what, she is family now and we need to pull together to help each other in time of need. I think this is the lesson we are all supposed to learn when the world goes crazy. When everything outside seems to be falling apart, the center of your home better get stronger. You put aside the petty bickering and annoyances to focus on the task at hand. I'm not perfect, some even say I am Satan in lipstick, but if we can get through this, we can get through anything.
I was thinking of making a website to promote the project but have not found anyone who knows how to make one. Its more complicated than I thought but I wont give up looking for someone to help me. For now, I will sleep and have sweet dreams of being debt free (except for mortgage) in 90 days or less.
I'm going to be experimenting tomorrow with twists on the old favorites and calling them Dream Cakes. They will make our dreams come true...the dream of getting all the funeral bills paid and pay what I need to so we can get the loans for the restaurant and truck stop. This economy is harsh but I refuse to crawl under a rock and die. Ed McMahon is dead so he wont be showing up on my doorstep with a check for an ungodly amount of money so I need to work at getting it myself and there is no time to lose doing it. I know I shouldn't complain, we don't have as much debt as some people, but we want to be debt free. Our grandparents didn't live on credit and they were happier people in my opinion. Grandma saved pennies for a "rainy day" and grandpa worked hard to get her and my mom what ever they needed. My grandpa used to say a man can walk with his head held high when he doesn't owe another money. I know debt causes stress and that's what I'm looking to eliminate completely.
I put pen to paper and figured I need to make $4000 to pay off both funerals, doctor bills and get a headstone for Mystic's mothers grave. I know that it is a lot of money but I think this is easier to take on than everything I need to start the restaurant/truck stop. The best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time and that's how I need to tackle this too, one sweet bite at a time.
Mystic and Sandra will be helping me in the kitchen. Sandra and I have not always gotten along. I am like any other mother in law and believe no woman will ever be good enough for her little boy, but no matter what, she is family now and we need to pull together to help each other in time of need. I think this is the lesson we are all supposed to learn when the world goes crazy. When everything outside seems to be falling apart, the center of your home better get stronger. You put aside the petty bickering and annoyances to focus on the task at hand. I'm not perfect, some even say I am Satan in lipstick, but if we can get through this, we can get through anything.
I was thinking of making a website to promote the project but have not found anyone who knows how to make one. Its more complicated than I thought but I wont give up looking for someone to help me. For now, I will sleep and have sweet dreams of being debt free (except for mortgage) in 90 days or less.
Monday, August 17, 2009
When it rains it pours
Just when you think things will get easier, life has a way of making sure that doesn't happen. We buried grandpa and things went smooth despite a bunch of family being here. The bad economy showed, not too many donations at the funeral but its OK, we will get it all paid for and the funeral home is working with us. Grandpa prepaid a lot of things so that helped, but some things went up since he did this 10 yrs ago.
JR grilled a lot of meat for the family and it went over well, except for his sister Bobbie. I almost killed her with brisket. JR made his special "5 alarm" rub and no one knew Bobbie was allergic to cayenne pepper. Lucky for us, she touched it to her lips to check temperature and realized at that point there was cayenne in it. Her lips swelled like a bad collagen injection ( Angelina Jolie would be jealous) and turned a shade of red I wish I could find in a lip stick. This is not a common allergy, so I'm glad we didn't get to the 911 stage if she would have got it in her mouth.
I had a talk with my son Austin and found out he has had no hot water in a while. The gas was turned off because he couldn't afford it. Now it made sense why he was coming over a lot to use the bathroom and bathe the baby. I couldn't let my 11 month old grand-baby live like this, it broke my heart to see Austin trying so hard and getting further and further behind. He has no health insurance, so when he got sick, he couldn't pay the huge bills and now they are garnishing his minimum wages. Its hard enough to be on your own making $7.25 per hr but to raise a baby and a wife on it, pay rent and bills then have garnishments of 33% of it, its impossible. They are all 3 moving into the basement this week. Now it will be 7 people in a 2br 1 bath house.....bringing back memories of when they were all small.
JR went back to work on Thursday but after one load, he was stuck at the terminal with no freight again. This happens more and more lately and with him being off for 5 days with the funeral and prep, this was not going to help me when payday rolls around. I picked him up Saturday morning and brought him home for the 2 days. Its better for him to eat at home than spend money in a truck stop or vending food. I took him back to work this morning and he went in for his DOT physical. Its required every year to keep his Class A license to make a living.
He had a heart attack at 41 so he has to get this every year instead of every 2 yrs like other drivers do. He took his medicine last night, took it again this morning, and took an extra blood pressure pill right before the test and still failed. His blood pressure was 170/105. Far above the "standard" of below 145/100 they want to see. JR has never been normal. As a child he always ran a fever, they did tons of tests and finally the doc just said its normal for him. He argued with the DOT doc and of course he didn't win. They gave him a 90 day temp permit and told him to make a doctors appointment. He will be out of a job in 90 days so I need to start working on finding a new job for him.
We found a place we want, its a gas station, restaurant, RV park, storefront and apartment. Only problem is not having the 200 THOUSAND dollars to buy it. I have heard many people say "That's a deal for that much stuff and the land that goes with it" but for someone who has never seen THAT much money in her life, it may as well be 2 million. I am talking with some people at the Economic Development Council so I guess I need to keep my fingers crossed. JR wants to turn the store front into a driver lounge and barber shop for truckers, he knows what they want and what they need on the road since he has been a driver so long. He can grill like a mad man so the restaurant wont be a problem, and the boys can run the gas station. Mystic and Sandra can cook and I can do the marketing still cut hair. It would be a true family business as we have something for everyone to do. I have 90 days to make this happen or everything will fall apart. If he is out of work more than 2 weeks, we will lose everything we have, and that's not much. I know the economy is bad but Jesus, didn't think it would get this bad for us. I looked in the paper and there are no jobs that pay more than minimum wage, we cant all live on that so my stress level is high as it can get. Necessity is the mother of invention so nothing pushes me like a deadline. Bring it on 90 days, bring it on.
JR grilled a lot of meat for the family and it went over well, except for his sister Bobbie. I almost killed her with brisket. JR made his special "5 alarm" rub and no one knew Bobbie was allergic to cayenne pepper. Lucky for us, she touched it to her lips to check temperature and realized at that point there was cayenne in it. Her lips swelled like a bad collagen injection ( Angelina Jolie would be jealous) and turned a shade of red I wish I could find in a lip stick. This is not a common allergy, so I'm glad we didn't get to the 911 stage if she would have got it in her mouth.
I had a talk with my son Austin and found out he has had no hot water in a while. The gas was turned off because he couldn't afford it. Now it made sense why he was coming over a lot to use the bathroom and bathe the baby. I couldn't let my 11 month old grand-baby live like this, it broke my heart to see Austin trying so hard and getting further and further behind. He has no health insurance, so when he got sick, he couldn't pay the huge bills and now they are garnishing his minimum wages. Its hard enough to be on your own making $7.25 per hr but to raise a baby and a wife on it, pay rent and bills then have garnishments of 33% of it, its impossible. They are all 3 moving into the basement this week. Now it will be 7 people in a 2br 1 bath house.....bringing back memories of when they were all small.
JR went back to work on Thursday but after one load, he was stuck at the terminal with no freight again. This happens more and more lately and with him being off for 5 days with the funeral and prep, this was not going to help me when payday rolls around. I picked him up Saturday morning and brought him home for the 2 days. Its better for him to eat at home than spend money in a truck stop or vending food. I took him back to work this morning and he went in for his DOT physical. Its required every year to keep his Class A license to make a living.
He had a heart attack at 41 so he has to get this every year instead of every 2 yrs like other drivers do. He took his medicine last night, took it again this morning, and took an extra blood pressure pill right before the test and still failed. His blood pressure was 170/105. Far above the "standard" of below 145/100 they want to see. JR has never been normal. As a child he always ran a fever, they did tons of tests and finally the doc just said its normal for him. He argued with the DOT doc and of course he didn't win. They gave him a 90 day temp permit and told him to make a doctors appointment. He will be out of a job in 90 days so I need to start working on finding a new job for him.
We found a place we want, its a gas station, restaurant, RV park, storefront and apartment. Only problem is not having the 200 THOUSAND dollars to buy it. I have heard many people say "That's a deal for that much stuff and the land that goes with it" but for someone who has never seen THAT much money in her life, it may as well be 2 million. I am talking with some people at the Economic Development Council so I guess I need to keep my fingers crossed. JR wants to turn the store front into a driver lounge and barber shop for truckers, he knows what they want and what they need on the road since he has been a driver so long. He can grill like a mad man so the restaurant wont be a problem, and the boys can run the gas station. Mystic and Sandra can cook and I can do the marketing still cut hair. It would be a true family business as we have something for everyone to do. I have 90 days to make this happen or everything will fall apart. If he is out of work more than 2 weeks, we will lose everything we have, and that's not much. I know the economy is bad but Jesus, didn't think it would get this bad for us. I looked in the paper and there are no jobs that pay more than minimum wage, we cant all live on that so my stress level is high as it can get. Necessity is the mother of invention so nothing pushes me like a deadline. Bring it on 90 days, bring it on.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Goodbye Poppy
My father in law passed away on Friday morning. I was at his side when he passed holding the phone to his ear so he could hear his son saying goodbye. My husband JR is his only son and when we had to put him over to Hospice House he was stuck in California. He is an Over the Road truck driver so he was regulated by Dept of Transportation as to how many hours per day he could drive his semi to get back home. I understand regulations are supposed to protect people from drivers who would go on to drive when too tired to go on but I think some things could be exceptions. Instead of letting him bobtail home without a trailer, they gave him loads that would get him back to Kansas. This is where the nightmare began.
When I called to tell him we were putting him in, he was being unloaded in San Fransisco, a live unload rather than a trailer drop off. After what seemed like forever to be unloaded, they found a load in SF going to Los Angeles. He gets to the place on the other side of San Fransisco and the people don't have the load ready, its hours late and the clock of his day is already ticking. Basically they have 14hrs of that day to get 11hrs of driving in, if a load is late, he may not be able to drive 11 because to much time was taken getting to the pick up and/or loading. He finally gets on the road to LA and that load went smooth. He was unloaded fast and down the road to pick up the load for Denver. Sure enough his day is shot and he barely makes it out of LA and into Nevada before he has to shut down for 10hrs by law. He hit Las Vegas at rush hour, and it seems like endless construction, everyone doing 30mph so no highway workers are killed. Driving the next day he cant make it into Denver and has to shut down west of it at Vail Pass. His truck is regulated to 62mph max so it seems to take an eternity to get anywhere anytime but this trip was excruciatingly long. He gets up again 10hrs later and pushes it into Denver and delivers to his customer. He was grateful he knew where it was so he could get in and get out, after he delivered he had to pick up an empty trailer from a place 5 miles away.
JR was about to pick up when his father got really bad. He had spoken to his dad on the phone at 07:40 and told him he was trying to make it. By this time he wasn't really talking back and couldn't open his eyes anymore but I know he could hear JR's voice because it calmed him. JR was his pride and joy, his name sake, his everything. In my heart I believe he thought JR was there because I stroked his hair like JR used to when he was talking to him on the phone. At 07:50 he took a rapid turn for the worse and was struggling hard so I called JR back. I told him he wasn't going to make it and needed to say his final goodbye now and let him know it was OK to go. JR talked to him, told him how much he loved him and thanked him for teaching him how to be a man, he told him he would teach the same to our boys and make him proud. JR's final words to his dad were "It's OK poppy, go with momma now" and at that moment, he took his final breath and went in peace. The Hospice nurse opened the window so his spirit could fly off to the heavens. He is in a better place now, no longer suffering and finally with the family who went before him.
He calls his supervisor Chris and let him know it was now too late. Chris felt so bad because he was trying so hard to get him home in time. They tell him to go pick up a load in Golden Colorado and take it to Kansas City so another truck can pick it up from there. We live an hour from the Kansas City Terminal so that was OK for us. JR is told to find trailer #666 ( not really the number but it was in the heart of Hell). The yard is not organized so he has to drive up and down it til he finds the one he needs. He comes around the corner of the last row of trailers and finds one of them is jacked up way higher than the others. Sure enough, its the one he is supposed to get. The last trucker to leave it must have been mad and wanted to screw the next driver who acquired it. It took 20 min of hand cranking to get the trailer low enough for him to drive under and couple it to his rig. JR was livid to put it mildly. As if his grief was not enough now he has this added BS on top of it.
JR is so upset, he is mad at God for putting all these obstacles in his way, he is losing his faith and the rest of the day doesn't get any better. He picks up the load, and his day had already started so by the time he got the trailer attached and got loaded he could only make western Kansas before he had to shut down again. I felt horrible, I'm supposed to be comforting him but not from across the state. JR is strong but losing a parent, even when you know its coming, doesn't make it any easier when the moment comes. With all the things roadblocking him, it makes it even worse.
I made the appointment for him to meet with the funeral home the next day so he would have time to get in. I woke him when his 10hrs was up and he got back on the road. One hour from home, he blows an inside tire on the trailer. He looks behind him and sees rubber flying and pulls over. As he sits on the side of the road doing his log and calling for On Road, a state trooper steps up on his running board and scared the hell out of him. Apparently the trooper was behind him when the tire went and was making sure he was OK. 3hrs later, On Road got the tire fixed and he was on the road again. Our appointment was at 1pm so he was not going to have time to take this into KC and get back here. Something finally went right when they sent a truck out to take his load off of him in Topeka so he could make back here on time.
All the arrangements are done and the next few days will be auto pilot I'm sure. JR is exhausted and reflecting a lot of life and its purpose. He has lost his faith for now and I hope he gets it back but only time will tell. I must say, God must have a sick sense of humor to put this many tests in one family's way is so little time.
When I called to tell him we were putting him in, he was being unloaded in San Fransisco, a live unload rather than a trailer drop off. After what seemed like forever to be unloaded, they found a load in SF going to Los Angeles. He gets to the place on the other side of San Fransisco and the people don't have the load ready, its hours late and the clock of his day is already ticking. Basically they have 14hrs of that day to get 11hrs of driving in, if a load is late, he may not be able to drive 11 because to much time was taken getting to the pick up and/or loading. He finally gets on the road to LA and that load went smooth. He was unloaded fast and down the road to pick up the load for Denver. Sure enough his day is shot and he barely makes it out of LA and into Nevada before he has to shut down for 10hrs by law. He hit Las Vegas at rush hour, and it seems like endless construction, everyone doing 30mph so no highway workers are killed. Driving the next day he cant make it into Denver and has to shut down west of it at Vail Pass. His truck is regulated to 62mph max so it seems to take an eternity to get anywhere anytime but this trip was excruciatingly long. He gets up again 10hrs later and pushes it into Denver and delivers to his customer. He was grateful he knew where it was so he could get in and get out, after he delivered he had to pick up an empty trailer from a place 5 miles away.
JR was about to pick up when his father got really bad. He had spoken to his dad on the phone at 07:40 and told him he was trying to make it. By this time he wasn't really talking back and couldn't open his eyes anymore but I know he could hear JR's voice because it calmed him. JR was his pride and joy, his name sake, his everything. In my heart I believe he thought JR was there because I stroked his hair like JR used to when he was talking to him on the phone. At 07:50 he took a rapid turn for the worse and was struggling hard so I called JR back. I told him he wasn't going to make it and needed to say his final goodbye now and let him know it was OK to go. JR talked to him, told him how much he loved him and thanked him for teaching him how to be a man, he told him he would teach the same to our boys and make him proud. JR's final words to his dad were "It's OK poppy, go with momma now" and at that moment, he took his final breath and went in peace. The Hospice nurse opened the window so his spirit could fly off to the heavens. He is in a better place now, no longer suffering and finally with the family who went before him.
He calls his supervisor Chris and let him know it was now too late. Chris felt so bad because he was trying so hard to get him home in time. They tell him to go pick up a load in Golden Colorado and take it to Kansas City so another truck can pick it up from there. We live an hour from the Kansas City Terminal so that was OK for us. JR is told to find trailer #666 ( not really the number but it was in the heart of Hell). The yard is not organized so he has to drive up and down it til he finds the one he needs. He comes around the corner of the last row of trailers and finds one of them is jacked up way higher than the others. Sure enough, its the one he is supposed to get. The last trucker to leave it must have been mad and wanted to screw the next driver who acquired it. It took 20 min of hand cranking to get the trailer low enough for him to drive under and couple it to his rig. JR was livid to put it mildly. As if his grief was not enough now he has this added BS on top of it.
JR is so upset, he is mad at God for putting all these obstacles in his way, he is losing his faith and the rest of the day doesn't get any better. He picks up the load, and his day had already started so by the time he got the trailer attached and got loaded he could only make western Kansas before he had to shut down again. I felt horrible, I'm supposed to be comforting him but not from across the state. JR is strong but losing a parent, even when you know its coming, doesn't make it any easier when the moment comes. With all the things roadblocking him, it makes it even worse.
I made the appointment for him to meet with the funeral home the next day so he would have time to get in. I woke him when his 10hrs was up and he got back on the road. One hour from home, he blows an inside tire on the trailer. He looks behind him and sees rubber flying and pulls over. As he sits on the side of the road doing his log and calling for On Road, a state trooper steps up on his running board and scared the hell out of him. Apparently the trooper was behind him when the tire went and was making sure he was OK. 3hrs later, On Road got the tire fixed and he was on the road again. Our appointment was at 1pm so he was not going to have time to take this into KC and get back here. Something finally went right when they sent a truck out to take his load off of him in Topeka so he could make back here on time.
All the arrangements are done and the next few days will be auto pilot I'm sure. JR is exhausted and reflecting a lot of life and its purpose. He has lost his faith for now and I hope he gets it back but only time will tell. I must say, God must have a sick sense of humor to put this many tests in one family's way is so little time.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
So much to do, so little time
I will be writing more soon but right now, my daughter Chelsea had her baby one month early, Jasmine is good just small. My father in law is in Hospice House now and not expected to make it more than a few days. I will update the blog next week when things settle again. Thanks for your patience and prayers everyone
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Two steps forward, three steps back
Robby and I talked on the phone at the end of June. It made me reflect on a lot of things about my own life, how I view things and how what I used to think was important really isn't. No one ever really knows when their time is going to be up. No one has an expiration date stamped on their foot like a gallon of milk. Life is short and we all need to take advantage of any form of happiness when it presents itself.
Robby is preparing for a kidney transplant and has a real possibility of dieing. His kidney function gets worse every month but he isn't giving up. He has a friend at work who is willing to donate one of her kidneys to him and give him a chance to live long enough to get to know our granddaughter who is due at the end of August. He has a nice life-partner right now so I am happy for that.
We were always good friends. When we decided to marry it filled a need for both of us. Don't get me wrong, we loved each other but it was not the kind of love to sustain a marriage but more like the kind that sustains a life long friendship. While planning the wedding my mom would get some not so kind calls asking why is her daughter marrying that "fag". The ink was barely dry on the end of the last marriage so she could not figure out why I was jumping into another one. I guess looking back, I was always one of those people who kept trying to get it right. Failure was not an option this time. At least this time I knew he wasn't going to beat me like a dog the way Stu did, I was safe with Robby.
I was in complete denial of him being gay. How could he be, he was my best friend and we liked all the same things! To me he was the perfect Mr. Right (now) because he loved to shop, he helped take care of my son, was there when I needed a boost in my ego. He was everything I needed when I needed it. I was what he needed too. I was there when he wanted to talk, I was there because he needed to feel needed and he so wanted a family and a child to take care of. His step father was a good influence on him and showed him that a child doesn't need to be of your blood, to love them as if they were. He saved Gayle, when she was trying to raise Robby and his sister Deena on her own. He made sure they had what they needed and took care of Gayle when she was sick and had her kidney transplant.
After the wedding we lived in mom's rental house four blocks from Robby's moms home. He was a Mommy's boy ( should have been a clue) and she did not like me from the time we started dating. Nobody was ever going to be good enough for her little boy and I do mean nobody. We butted heads from day one but I was stubborn, she said I was making a mistake so I needed to prove to her it wasn't. I swear I need my head examined because even today I still feel the need to prove I'm right. Gayle and I fought over everything from how I kept house, or lack of it, to how Robby did too much and I needed to help bring in some money and not just stay home with the baby. It wasn't long after the wedding I was feeling like all in laws needed to be a long distance phone call away so I pushed Robby into finding a new job in a new state. Not much was available so that was going to take time.
He was waiting tables in a fine restaurant in town so we were doing OK, not well but making it. Then I got pregnant with Chelsea. Austin wasn't even a year old so I was freaked out by this but Robby was bouncing off the walls. I was scared to tell him at first, remembering how horrible it was when I told Stu I was pregnant but this was total opposite. I wasn't going to make food because Robby was so good at it and I could screw up boiling water, so I decided to wait till he came home from work and just give him the test. He acted like he just won the lottery. He jumped up and down happy as anyone I had ever seen before. Wow, this is how its supposed to be, finally I got it right. He took such good care of me while i was pregnant. We even moved to Texas to get me away from the stresses . We were a real family and I was happy. Not for long though...
Pregnancy is never fun but this was nothing like my first. I was so sick for so long and she kept trying to come early. I was working delivering pizza so we could make ends meet but I couldn't work full time because I was just too tired. I was grateful Austin was such a good baby and not too demanding as he was growing. He loved to nap with mommy and I could put him in a play pen and he enjoyed playing by himself so I could rest or take a hot bath. I was making a delivery and went into labor with her. The guy who got the pizza was funny, he said "Hey I just ordered a pizza not a baby" and was nice enough to let me use his phone to get my manager to meet me at the hospital to take my money bag. She was still too small so they stopped my labor and sent me to my old doc in New Mexico. I had to spend my last month back home at my moms house till it was safe for her to be born. Mom didn't mind, she got more cuddle time with Austin and could re spoil him all over but to me, this felt so bad, so deja vu.
Chelsea was born six weeks early, she was small and very demanding. Robby made it for her delivery and was in the delivery room this time. He was so happy, glowing, proud. He was so happy when we took her home to Texas and could start that new chapter in our life and to be honest so was I. We were home only a couple weeks and the problems started. Chelsea stopped breathing and had to be rushed to the hospital. She had sleep apnea and had to be on a baby monitor when she was sleeping. A new level of sleep deprivation was more than I could take so Robby would help me a lot with her. I was breast feeding but if he could have done it he would have.
With two in diapers now the bills would mount up. Austin was on solid foods and only 16 months older than Chelsea so he still had a lot of baby needs. He was growing so fast and growing out of his clothes, shoes and everything else. Mom was wonderful, she would send "Care Packages" to try and help. Chelsea had a lot of medical needs and they were not cheap either. We had to move a lot because we had to find places we could afford. Money was just never there it seemed no matter how hard Robby worked. The last place we lived was so bad, Austin came in to tell me there was a kitty on the bed with Chelsea. I went to look and it wasn't a kitty, it was a giant rat on the bed with my sleeping baby and chewing on her bottle that lay next to her. After that I freaked and we moved the next day to a new city. We moved to a border town on the New Mexico/Texas line and Robby got a job managing a Dairy Queen restaurant. He seemed to be happy and we moved into a trailer across the street from the place so he didn't have to drive to work. Things were OK for a couple of months but just when you think everything is going right, that's when life decides to rear its ugly head and slap the comfortable right out of you.
Robby is preparing for a kidney transplant and has a real possibility of dieing. His kidney function gets worse every month but he isn't giving up. He has a friend at work who is willing to donate one of her kidneys to him and give him a chance to live long enough to get to know our granddaughter who is due at the end of August. He has a nice life-partner right now so I am happy for that.
We were always good friends. When we decided to marry it filled a need for both of us. Don't get me wrong, we loved each other but it was not the kind of love to sustain a marriage but more like the kind that sustains a life long friendship. While planning the wedding my mom would get some not so kind calls asking why is her daughter marrying that "fag". The ink was barely dry on the end of the last marriage so she could not figure out why I was jumping into another one. I guess looking back, I was always one of those people who kept trying to get it right. Failure was not an option this time. At least this time I knew he wasn't going to beat me like a dog the way Stu did, I was safe with Robby.
I was in complete denial of him being gay. How could he be, he was my best friend and we liked all the same things! To me he was the perfect Mr. Right (now) because he loved to shop, he helped take care of my son, was there when I needed a boost in my ego. He was everything I needed when I needed it. I was what he needed too. I was there when he wanted to talk, I was there because he needed to feel needed and he so wanted a family and a child to take care of. His step father was a good influence on him and showed him that a child doesn't need to be of your blood, to love them as if they were. He saved Gayle, when she was trying to raise Robby and his sister Deena on her own. He made sure they had what they needed and took care of Gayle when she was sick and had her kidney transplant.
After the wedding we lived in mom's rental house four blocks from Robby's moms home. He was a Mommy's boy ( should have been a clue) and she did not like me from the time we started dating. Nobody was ever going to be good enough for her little boy and I do mean nobody. We butted heads from day one but I was stubborn, she said I was making a mistake so I needed to prove to her it wasn't. I swear I need my head examined because even today I still feel the need to prove I'm right. Gayle and I fought over everything from how I kept house, or lack of it, to how Robby did too much and I needed to help bring in some money and not just stay home with the baby. It wasn't long after the wedding I was feeling like all in laws needed to be a long distance phone call away so I pushed Robby into finding a new job in a new state. Not much was available so that was going to take time.
He was waiting tables in a fine restaurant in town so we were doing OK, not well but making it. Then I got pregnant with Chelsea. Austin wasn't even a year old so I was freaked out by this but Robby was bouncing off the walls. I was scared to tell him at first, remembering how horrible it was when I told Stu I was pregnant but this was total opposite. I wasn't going to make food because Robby was so good at it and I could screw up boiling water, so I decided to wait till he came home from work and just give him the test. He acted like he just won the lottery. He jumped up and down happy as anyone I had ever seen before. Wow, this is how its supposed to be, finally I got it right. He took such good care of me while i was pregnant. We even moved to Texas to get me away from the stresses . We were a real family and I was happy. Not for long though...
Pregnancy is never fun but this was nothing like my first. I was so sick for so long and she kept trying to come early. I was working delivering pizza so we could make ends meet but I couldn't work full time because I was just too tired. I was grateful Austin was such a good baby and not too demanding as he was growing. He loved to nap with mommy and I could put him in a play pen and he enjoyed playing by himself so I could rest or take a hot bath. I was making a delivery and went into labor with her. The guy who got the pizza was funny, he said "Hey I just ordered a pizza not a baby" and was nice enough to let me use his phone to get my manager to meet me at the hospital to take my money bag. She was still too small so they stopped my labor and sent me to my old doc in New Mexico. I had to spend my last month back home at my moms house till it was safe for her to be born. Mom didn't mind, she got more cuddle time with Austin and could re spoil him all over but to me, this felt so bad, so deja vu.
Chelsea was born six weeks early, she was small and very demanding. Robby made it for her delivery and was in the delivery room this time. He was so happy, glowing, proud. He was so happy when we took her home to Texas and could start that new chapter in our life and to be honest so was I. We were home only a couple weeks and the problems started. Chelsea stopped breathing and had to be rushed to the hospital. She had sleep apnea and had to be on a baby monitor when she was sleeping. A new level of sleep deprivation was more than I could take so Robby would help me a lot with her. I was breast feeding but if he could have done it he would have.
With two in diapers now the bills would mount up. Austin was on solid foods and only 16 months older than Chelsea so he still had a lot of baby needs. He was growing so fast and growing out of his clothes, shoes and everything else. Mom was wonderful, she would send "Care Packages" to try and help. Chelsea had a lot of medical needs and they were not cheap either. We had to move a lot because we had to find places we could afford. Money was just never there it seemed no matter how hard Robby worked. The last place we lived was so bad, Austin came in to tell me there was a kitty on the bed with Chelsea. I went to look and it wasn't a kitty, it was a giant rat on the bed with my sleeping baby and chewing on her bottle that lay next to her. After that I freaked and we moved the next day to a new city. We moved to a border town on the New Mexico/Texas line and Robby got a job managing a Dairy Queen restaurant. He seemed to be happy and we moved into a trailer across the street from the place so he didn't have to drive to work. Things were OK for a couple of months but just when you think everything is going right, that's when life decides to rear its ugly head and slap the comfortable right out of you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
