Goodbye Poppy

My father in law passed away on Friday morning. I was at his side when he passed holding the phone to his ear so he could hear his son saying goodbye. My husband JR is his only son and when we had to put him over to Hospice House he was stuck in California. He is an Over the Road truck driver so he was regulated by Dept of Transportation as to how many hours per day he could drive his semi to get back home. I understand regulations are supposed to protect people from drivers who would go on to drive when too tired to go on but I think some things could be exceptions. Instead of letting him bobtail home without a trailer, they gave him loads that would get him back to Kansas. This is where the nightmare began.

When I called to tell him we were putting him in, he was being unloaded in San Fransisco, a live unload rather than a trailer drop off. After what seemed like forever to be unloaded, they found a load in SF going to Los Angeles. He gets to the place on the other side of San Fransisco and the people don't have the load ready, its hours late and the clock of his day is already ticking. Basically they have 14hrs of that day to get 11hrs of driving in, if a load is late, he may not be able to drive 11 because to much time was taken getting to the pick up and/or loading. He finally gets on the road to LA and that load went smooth. He was unloaded fast and down the road to pick up the load for Denver. Sure enough his day is shot and he barely makes it out of LA and into Nevada before he has to shut down for 10hrs by law. He hit Las Vegas at rush hour, and it seems like endless construction, everyone doing 30mph so no highway workers are killed. Driving the next day he cant make it into Denver and has to shut down west of it at Vail Pass. His truck is regulated to 62mph max so it seems to take an eternity to get anywhere anytime but this trip was excruciatingly long. He gets up again 10hrs later and pushes it into Denver and delivers to his customer. He was grateful he knew where it was so he could get in and get out, after he delivered he had to pick up an empty trailer from a place 5 miles away.

JR was about to pick up when his father got really bad. He had spoken to his dad on the phone at 07:40 and told him he was trying to make it. By this time he wasn't really talking back and couldn't open his eyes anymore but I know he could hear JR's voice because it calmed him. JR was his pride and joy, his name sake, his everything. In my heart I believe he thought JR was there because I stroked his hair like JR used to when he was talking to him on the phone. At 07:50 he took a rapid turn for the worse and was struggling hard so I called JR back. I told him he wasn't going to make it and needed to say his final goodbye now and let him know it was OK to go. JR talked to him, told him how much he loved him and thanked him for teaching him how to be a man, he told him he would teach the same to our boys and make him proud. JR's final words to his dad were "It's OK poppy, go with momma now" and at that moment, he took his final breath and went in peace. The Hospice nurse opened the window so his spirit could fly off to the heavens. He is in a better place now, no longer suffering and finally with the family who went before him.

He calls his supervisor Chris and let him know it was now too late. Chris felt so bad because he was trying so hard to get him home in time. They tell him to go pick up a load in Golden Colorado and take it to Kansas City so another truck can pick it up from there. We live an hour from the Kansas City Terminal so that was OK for us. JR is told to find trailer #666 ( not really the number but it was in the heart of Hell). The yard is not organized so he has to drive up and down it til he finds the one he needs. He comes around the corner of the last row of trailers and finds one of them is jacked up way higher than the others. Sure enough, its the one he is supposed to get. The last trucker to leave it must have been mad and wanted to screw the next driver who acquired it. It took 20 min of hand cranking to get the trailer low enough for him to drive under and couple it to his rig. JR was livid to put it mildly. As if his grief was not enough now he has this added BS on top of it.

JR is so upset, he is mad at God for putting all these obstacles in his way, he is losing his faith and the rest of the day doesn't get any better. He picks up the load, and his day had already started so by the time he got the trailer attached and got loaded he could only make western Kansas before he had to shut down again. I felt horrible, I'm supposed to be comforting him but not from across the state. JR is strong but losing a parent, even when you know its coming, doesn't make it any easier when the moment comes. With all the things roadblocking him, it makes it even worse.

I made the appointment for him to meet with the funeral home the next day so he would have time to get in. I woke him when his 10hrs was up and he got back on the road. One hour from home, he blows an inside tire on the trailer. He looks behind him and sees rubber flying and pulls over. As he sits on the side of the road doing his log and calling for On Road, a state trooper steps up on his running board and scared the hell out of him. Apparently the trooper was behind him when the tire went and was making sure he was OK. 3hrs later, On Road got the tire fixed and he was on the road again. Our appointment was at 1pm so he was not going to have time to take this into KC and get back here. Something finally went right when they sent a truck out to take his load off of him in Topeka so he could make back here on time.

All the arrangements are done and the next few days will be auto pilot I'm sure. JR is exhausted and reflecting a lot of life and its purpose. He has lost his faith for now and I hope he gets it back but only time will tell. I must say, God must have a sick sense of humor to put this many tests in one family's way is so little time.