A year of tears

My fifteen year old stepdaughter Mystic, has had one horrible year. She started off her freshman year of high school in mid August and in less than a week her mother passes away. Cathy was in a car accident in 2001 that left her quadriplegic. Mystic (who was 7 at the time) ran 2 miles to get her help when she flipped the Jeep. She saved the lives of both her mom and her infant sister Lacie. A real hero in my book. Cathy fought for seven years to get better but lost the fight August 19, 2008. We stayed at the Hospice House for four days and were all at her beside when she crossed over.

Her mother had no insurance for burial so the costs fell upon my husband and her older brother James. That being said, her father had to take on a job as an Over the Road truck driver to make the bills. Two weeks after we buried her mom, her dad was gone working. He was out 4 weeks, home 3 days. Most of the raising and comforting of this child now fell on my shoulders. I didn't mind the job, I love her as if I had given birth to her, but this was not going to be an easy task seeing what was to come.

Her grandmothers had both passed away when Mystic was little so she was very attached to her great grandparents on moms side. Lem and Dorothy were married for 72years. They ran off as teenagers and lived the "happily ever after" we all look for. Dorothy was very domestic, she could cook like no one I know and feed an army on a moments notice. She dedicated her life to Lem and family. It was all she knew and it made her very happy. They doted on the kids every time they could. Mystic, James and Lacie all loved them dearly. They lived in the next town over so they got to see the kids when ever they wanted to. Lacie has a different dad and we made sure when Lacie went to visit the great grandparents, Mystic could go too and have a chance to be with her sister.

Lem had not been doing well for a while, he had cancer but never let it show that he wasn't feeling well in public. He had a smile on his face every time I saw him. He tried to always look at the bright side of things. He loved Mystic's mother Cathy and was one of the few to try and bail her out of all the trouble she would get into. To him, family was everything and you don't abandon someone just because they mess up. He held on as long as he could but when Cathy passed away, something died inside Lem and he passed away in early November.

Mystic was devastated. She has now lost her mom, dad had to leave for work, and now great grandpa?? What was next, this was a question that should never have been asked because you should never ask questions you don't really want the answers to.

Lacie was 7 when her mom passed away, she didn't understand really what death was all about and this was a hard lesson to learn at such a young age. Her father Guy is great. A real down to Earth person who reminds me of Larry the Cable Guy. A redneck and proud of it, he plans to lock Lacie in a dirt shack, build a mote filled with gators to keep the boys away and not let her date till she is 30. He is a hard worker but when the economy tanked so did his job. Faced with unemployment and bills that don't stop just because your paycheck does, he was forced to make a hard decision and move to his mom's house in Alabama. A week before Christmas he packed his family up and said so long to Kansas.

Mystic was very close to her sister. After her moms accident, Mystic took care of Lacie. She changed her, fed her, bathed her. She was like a second mom to her. When it was visitation time at mom's house, Mystic was the primary care giver because Cathy couldn't do anything to care for the children because she required round the clock nursing herself. Mystic and Lacie, who were used to seeing each other at least every other weekend, were now having to say goodbye for what could be a year or more before seeing each other again.

Dorothy took care of Lem when he got sick, she tried her best to shield him from unpleasantness when ever possible, put family needs above her own, but now she was all alone. We didn't know then but she was not in the best of health herself. Like Lem, she hid pain from the world and always put on the front that everything was fine. Without Lem, she was lost. We asked if she needed anything, offered to do errands for her but she wanted nothing. When we would visit, she just sat in the chair barely speaking, a shell of the woman I once knew. Her husband was gone, Cathy was gone, and now her great granddaughter moved to Alabama. Her spark just went out. Quietly in the night Dorothy passed away the day after Christmas.

Mystic was beside herself with grief. Like most teens, she thought she knew it all and didn't need some therapist blowing smoke up her butt and telling her its sunshine. She barely came out of her room and lived on her laptop. It was the only thing she inherited from her mom so she treasured it. She missed school often because she would be crying all night and sleeping all day. She didn't like to sleep much because of nightmares and dreams. Her biggest fears were something would happen to me next and she would be all alone. Back in December after her sister left, I had a Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA). Its a mini stroke that is a warning to me to start taking better care of myself. I live with a lot of stress and have been learning to reduce it after this "wake up call". Mystic saved my life that night too. She called my son and they took me to the hospital for treatment. For being only fourteen she was one of the most resourceful kids i know. She responds well in crisis even though I wish she didn't have to.

Mystic finally came to the conclusion that maybe therapy wasn't a total disaster. I knew she would fight me like a mule if I forced her to go so I just recommended it often until she was ready to decide for herself it was the right thing to do. We were lucky to find that the Hospice that cared for her mother offered grief counseling free for one year after her loss.

My husbands father has been in a nursing home for almost two years. He has started Hospice care now and not expected to make it to see Christmas this year. Mystic and I take care of him by making sure he has all he needs and visit him all the time. Its not easy to prepare for another death but we are getting better at it. We keep going no matter what.

Through all the trials and tribulations we have gone through this year we have learned some valuable lessons. We have learned that life is too short not to live it to the fullest, you never know when the life you knew will be taken away so don't take anything for granted. If you have the chance to make a positive difference in someones life, do it. Tread lightly, the footprints you leave behind need not to trample the soul.