Welcome to motherhood

The divorce was nasty. For two people that had nothing you would think it would be a simple process. Lawyers are the ones who make it more difficult than it needs to be. A couple months before the divorce I was in a car accident. A drunk driver ran a red light and hit me at 10am. I thought to myself at the time I have heard of the liquid lunch but he must have poured beer on his Wheaties or something. At least I wasn't hurt badly in the accident, the baby was OK but the car was totaled. All because of his parasitic mouth piece, Stu now wanted half the value of a car no one could drive. We lived in his grandmothers home so there was no property to fight over but I did want child support for our baby who was due in April. I still had nothing ready for the baby so I figured if I got child support I could at least get some things before he blew all his money on drugs and alcohol.

Because of his lawyer he was now questioning the paternity of our unborn child. I was in complete shock. I was dedicated to him, how could he do this? How could he think I would possibly see someone else and when would I have time? His grandmother, who was usually a very quiet woman, ripped him to shreds when she heard about this tactic. She took that "what will the neighbors say" attitude and this time I was glad she did. I must admit I had to laugh seeing her grab him by the ear, drag him over to me and made him apologize for being so horrible for even thinking this baby wasn't his. She told him he needed to be a man and take care of things. He took this to mean try and get us back together but that wasn't going to happen. We tried a couple times but it was like beating a dead horse, he just couldn't stop drinking and getting high. As hard as it was I had to let go of the dream and sign the papers to end my marriage.

Robby was my best friend in high school and was instrumental at helping me through my grief. We had the best times before so it was natural to lean on him. We talked for hours, he tried to tell me it wasn't my fault and not to take it so hard. He promised to be there to help me when the baby was born and even help me raise him if I needed help. It was the answer to my prayers...or so I thought.

Being the captain of the S.S. Denial I missed a lot of red flags. When we were in school, Robby and I would go shopping, go to the mall, laugh and giggle all night. He had excellent style and his knowledge of shoes and designer clothes was impressive to me. He spent almost as much time in a mirror getting ready as I did. He was the only boy my mom never worried about me with. We would go cruising the strip and she never said a word. He was the only boy in high school that never tried to get into my panties and I thought that was sweet.

Robby came over everyday to check on me. He brought me flowers, candy and things for the baby. He was an attentive boyfriend, and the total opposite of Stu. We would spend hours window shopping for baby stuff and talk about how we would design the nursery. He would talk to me about my fears and try to ease them. He would take me out even when I felt fat and not very pretty and never once was he out of line. We went dancing almost every weekend and he made sure I didn't sit on the sideline. I was "his girl" now and he was proud to show me off. While we were out one night I went into labor on the dance floor. At first it looked like I was starting some new dance craze but it was soon apparent this was not the case. Robby turned white as a ghost and went into frantic mode. We were in a town 30 minutes from home and he drove a 1969 V.W. Bug. Last thing either of us wanted was to have to deliver in such a tiny car. We called my parents and told them to meet us at the hospital and Robby drove that bug at top speed praying we would make it.

I will be the first to tell you I am a baby when it comes to pain. If I had been born back in the day I would not have survived at all. Natural childbirth is fine for some women, I'm just not one of them. I am a firm believer in drugs and figured the epidural was invented for a reason and who was I to deny medical progress. I was so unprepared for just how painful labor was going to be. I remember Hope from Days of Our Lives having her baby and it was a beautiful thing. Mine did not resemble this at all. I'm screaming like a banshee in the car with each contraction and watching Robby get paler and paler with each one. We made it to the hospital and everyone was waiting on us. I was so glad to be there because someone needed to make this stop long enough for me to get ready. My hair and makeup was a mess and I was tired. I wasn't ready for this so whom ever was in charge needed to fix this.

My doctor showed up and told me he had to stop my labor because it was still too early for the baby to be born. He wanted me to go another month so I needed to be admitted in and drugs started. This was fine with me, I was exhausted and wanted a good nights sleep ( as if this is possible when your 8 months pregnant) and figured we could discuss this in the morning. He started the meds and the contractions finally stopped. Robby didn't leave my side and even slept in the chair in my room. He would bring me ice cream and make me laugh, he held my hand and wiped my tears. Every time the meds wore off my labor would come back. For five long days I would go into labor and they would stop it over and over again. If having babies was this hard, how did women have more than one?

Finally on the sixth day my doctor had a golf game to go to and a new doctor came in. He read my chart and talked to me. He couldn't believe I had been in labor this long and things had to change. He took me off the meds to stop my labor and gave me ones to speed this process up. By this time I just wanted him out. Being pregnant was not as glamorous as TV made it look and I wanted to see my feet again. Robby stayed by me the whole time. We knew we had to call Stu to let him know that today was the day. It wasn't going to be easy but he was the father and needed to be with me. Stu of course was no where to be found. It was crushing to know that he couldn't even show up for the birth of his first child but I'm not sure why I was surprised. Again, Robby stepped up to the plate and held my hand through the pain. Twelve hours of labor pass and still no baby. How could this be? TV babies are born in under 30 minutes including commercials. I was exhausted all over again and they decide its time for a C-section. Finally, someone needed to get this thing out of me before I just die. Robby was good but would faint at the sight of blood. He couldn't go into the OR with me so my friend Dawn went in. Laying on the table, the last thing that went through my head before the anesthesia took hold was "I hope he is healthy because I'm so NOT doing this again".

I awoke feeling much lighter and no longer having a sense of some one's foot playing the xylophone with my ribcage. Mom had tears in her eyes and going on about how beautiful my son was. When we first found out I was going to have a boy, she said we could always take him to the vet and get him fixed. It was her running joke because she didn't want him to be anything like his father and she really wanted me to have a girl. All that was forgotten now, from the first time she laid eyes on him, she was hooked and he was perfect in her eyes. She was also happy she was the first to get to hold him. Once she knew I was all there she went to the nursery to bring me my son. He was perfect. All of his fingers and toes, his little button nose and blond peach fuzz on his little head. He was stuck when they tried to take him out and had a 5cm ring on the top of his head. It looked like a tiny halo and I knew he was my angel. My little angel christened me with his first diaper change and mom almost peed herself laughing so hard. Welcome to motherhood was all she could get out through the hysterical laughter.